By Mary B. Ritchie1, Esther Deck2, & Adelle E. Forth2
1Western University, London, Canada; 2Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada
“Monsters are real, evil exists”. Despite a growing research literature investigating psychopathy, those victimized by psychopathic individuals have largely been neglected. To date, only one published research study has qualitatively examined the experiences of those victimized by a psychopathic individual (Kirkman, 2005). In this study, Kirkman (2005) focused on female victims previously involved in intimate, heterosexual relationships. These women reported similar experiences over the course of their relationships (e.g., quick progression, numerous infidelities, emotional abuse), many of which Kirkman (2005) considered to be warning signs. Given the impact that psychopathic individuals have on the lives of others, we felt it was important to continue to explore the experiences of those involved in intimate relationships with psychopathic individuals. Expanding on Kirkman’s (2005) work, we conducted 28 interviews with females who had been involved with a psychopathic male to discuss their experiences during the relationship (e.g., warning signs, familial concerns, abuse), the subsequent impact of the relationship (e.g., mental, physical, financial), and the availability and effectiveness of support. All survivors were recruited through a posting on the Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy Foundation website.
Over the course of their relationships, lasting an average of 12 years, 50% of the survivors we spoke with reported experiencing sexual or physical abuse. Emotional abuse was reported by 100% of those we spoke with, of whom 80% indicated that the emotional abuse was extreme. As one survivor said – “you can hit me all day long, and its nothing compared to the emotional abuse. You can heal if somebody hits you.” In addition to experiencing abuse, the survivors also reported issues with their career and finances, a fear of forming new friendships, a loss of identity, and severe mental and physical health issues including depression, anxiety, problems sleeping, suicidal ideation, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
While the majority of survivors reported receiving some form of support from family and/or friends, many found the support received was not enough. The vast majority indicated a need for better education, particularly to combat the “sadistic serial killer” stereotype surrounding psychopathy. One survivor said that when “people think of the word psychopathy [they] think of someone who murders with a kitchen knife, [but a psychopath] could just be a normal person, and they could be the life of the party, and do all these wonderful, great things. But, behind a closed door, they are a monster”. In addition to educating society, several participants reported a lack of understanding among professionals (e.g., lawyers, psychologists). As such, there is a need to make psychopathy research more available to the public and professionals to combat the stereotype and increase the quality of support provided to those recovering.
Finally, we asked each survivor what they would want other potential victims to know. Many emphasized that healing takes time and there is hope at the end of the tunnel; “be very patient with yourself, and look for multiple ways in which you can heal”. Another survivor urged others to connect and share their experience with other survivors, as “the thing that helps the most is the validation and acknowledgement that what happened is real”. “There are very few people in the world that will understand […] and it will be almost impossible to explain”, as one survivor said, highlighting the importance of connecting with other survivors who have had a similar experience. The Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy forums, for example, provide a safe space to connect and share experiences with other survivors.
It is our hope that, through continued research on psychopathy, better education and training, and support for foundations such as the Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy Foundation, we can better support the needs of those enduring the repercussions of psychopathy so they no longer feel alone. As one survivor said, “You can recover, learn, and then use your experience to help others. You will never be the same you that you were before. Stop trying. Mourn her and learn to live as the new you. Parts of the new you are better.”
