Control, Alter, and Delete: Investigating the Manipulation of Memory By Suspected Psychopaths in Interpersonal Relationships

Kendra Nespoli, Ph.D.
University of Windsor

Psychopaths are known to wreak havoc in the lives, careers, and relationships of people with whom they come into contact, triggering impacts that can extend for many years. To date, few studies have investigated the psychological tactics used by people with psychopathy to manipulate and control others in relationships. One such tactic reported by victims of psychopaths is the manipulation of memories for past events. Feedback from others has been shown to be a powerful influence in persuading others to revise their beliefs about past events, particularly in close relationships. The studies completed in this investigation examined how often people were exposed to challenges to their memories of events in two samples of rememberers using a novel model of decision-making about memory: the social-cognitive (SCO) dissonance model (Scoboria & Henkel, 2020).

The social-cognitive (SCO) dissonance model of decision-making about memory outlines interpersonal and intrapersonal influences on decisions by “rememberers”: (a) to maintain or reduce their belief in their memory, and (b) to agree or disagree with the challenger (Scoboria & Henkel, 2020). In this investigation, two samples of rememberers provided descriptions of a memory challenge and ratings of the characteristics of their relationship with the memory challenger, as well as their memory, the nature of the challenge, their personality, and the personality of the challenger.

In the first sample, 259 rememberers who experienced a memory challenge by non-psychopathic challengers were recruited from an undergraduate student sample and from the larger population using Amazon Mechanical Turk. In the second sample, 86 rememberers who self-identified as having experienced a memory challenge by a person suspected of having psychopathic traits were recruited from one of five online support forums dedicated to educating the public about psychopathy and providing informal support for survivors of relationship abuse. Most survivors (78%) who indicated challenges by people with suspected psychopathy reported experiencing challenges regarding their memory for past events (including instances of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse) at least once a month. Furthermore, such survivors were more likely to report being challenged about whether the event occurred (i.e., they were told the event never happened), rather than being challenged about the accuracy of their memory (i.e., being told the event happened differently).

Of the rememberers whose memories were challenged by individuals without psychopathic traits, 60% reported the challenge reduced their belief in their memory, 29% reported agreeing with the challenger, and 14% remained silent. In contrast, only 33% of rememberers who self-identified as survivors of relationships with suspected psychopathic partners reported reducing their belief in their memory, 10% reported agreeing with the challenger, and 28% remained silent about their decision.

When examining predictors of reducing belief in their memory, ratings of trust in the feedback provided by the challenger was the sole predictor for rememberers who self-identified as having had their memory challenged by a person with psychopathic features. The rememberers’ current age and their desire to protect the relationship with the suspected psychopath predicted their decision to report agreeing with the challenger following the memory challenge.

The findings of these two studies bring together what is known about the social and cognitive influences on decision making about memory in response to social feedback and underscore the importance of considering both kinds of influences in discussions about autobiographical memory. Future studies should examine the impact of other factors such as relationship status (e.g., whether the relationship is still current or is a past relationship) on decisions made about memory while controlling for other potential influential factors in the relationship (e.g., the length of relationship, the occurrence of abuse) and of the memory itself (e.g., the type of remembered event, the age of the memory).