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A Volunteer's Story
Hit by A Runaway Train
A number of years ago in a small town in Northern Ontario I joined a local organization. At the first meeting that I attended I sat down, and someone across the room got up out of her chair, came across and sat down next to me. I considered this rather odd as I did not know this person, so my spidey senses started to tingle. As time went on and I started to get to know her better, I had great respect for her, but that was about to change. She started saying a number of things that were somewhat unsettling to me. She berated several people within the organization whom I had a lot of respect for. One was a pastor, the second was a retiring township clerk and the third was an individual who did a lot of repair and maintenance on our equipment. She would call them incompetent, berate the three of them and state at every opportunity that she wanted to get rid of them. There were several people that heard her say the same things about the same three people. I could not understand why she wanted to get rid of the three people that had such a vast knowledge of the workings of our organization, but it became more obvious that she did not like people who had more knowledge than she did.
I gradually increased my involvement and eventually became treasurer of the organization. This was a good thing for the organization as I consider a fiduciary responsibility almost sacred. We were dealing with donations from local people, and there was a past history of people not treating this organization with the same respect as I would.
Then at about the same time there was an incident when she had asked a third party to write a letter falsely accusing another of something, when the only thing that this other person was guilty of was doing their own job. This woman had an axe to grind with several people, for sure. But she had no use for established rules, she made up her own. The fact was that she kept some alcohol in a refrigerator she had the use of at work, and that was a blatant violation of our town’s policy. She had even offered a beer to myself and another employee, another serious violation of town policy. I refused as I don't drink and drive, even if it is only one beer.
As time went on, I was surprised to hear her make statements that clearly violated the rules, regulations and policies of our small community as she was an employee of the town and subject to a code of ethics, but rules were for other people, not for her. Then after some time she became president of our small volunteer organization. As president she ordered several items from a local company, most of which were legitimate, but there were two items on one order that would have required approval by all of the organization’s membership. She did not even attempt to get an authorization either before or after ordering these two items or offer any explanation. As I was treasurer I felt it was my responsibility to investigate these purchases since I was the one who had to write a check to pay for them. She was confronted about the purchase, and she stated that they were a retirement gift for someone who happened to be in the room at the time. She turned it around and questioned me as to whether I wanted to divulge who this person was, and I did not, so I acquiesced. So here you have an order for two XXL jerseys for someone who at best takes a medium. But who would take an XXL? That would be our president and her spouse! When the presentation was made, the individual who was retiring received only one of the jerseys. The other one sat in a box for almost a year; then the person who ordered it, the president, finally paid for the second jersey. So, was the story about them being a retirement gift just “smoke and mirrors” to deflect away from the truth --- after she got caught trying to misuse funds for her personal use?!
I had become increasingly suspicious as to the blatant violations of the rule of law by this individual, so at that point I just quit talking to her.
All members of the organization had to take a timed test for something, so a fellow member and I went in and practiced until we could accomplish the task well within the prescribed time limit. We went in and took the test, and we both passed the test as per one of the qualified testers. The person in question went to upper management and complained that I could not have passed this test. She wanted to deny me a certification I had earned. Furthermore she implemented a concerted effort to have me removed from my volunteer position in the organization. In the list of lies she compiled – in order to get rid of me – was my inability to complete this timed test within the time limits. I found out later that this person had also lobbied upper management to call the person who had certified my test result several times a day until he relented and reluctantly revoked my certification.
When they removed me from this volunteer position what really contributed to Post Traumatic Stress were all the lies that were put on paper including the one about me not passing the test, I knew exactly where that came from. It was like I got hit by a train, and I was not even near the tracks. However the knowledge that I had about these types of people made it easier to understand and to get over it. Fortunately, as I had studied Abnormal Psychology both formally and informally for over 40 years, I was well aware what she was capable of.
This person can be exceptionally friendly, and overly charming but at a moment’s notice can turn on you with all the arrogance and aggressiveness of a sleeping bear that has just been poked with a stick. She will lie for no reason whatsoever which can be very confusing especially if you know the truth. It is as if she is testing people to see how gullible they are to figure out who will support her when she needs it. She will do whatever she has to, in order to get ahead, and she has no consideration of whom she hurts or how much she hurts them in the process. There are many people in our town with her boot prints on their backs to prove it. She will resort to tears to get what she wants but snap out of it instantaneously at a moment’s notice to go on the attack if the tears fail to further her agenda. She will also use diversionary tactics and has many times been able to find a scapegoat to deflect attention away from herself.
There are several other instances of displays of traits that appear reminiscent of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) that I have heard about, but, because they did not happen to me personally, and I did not have first hand knowledge about them, I will not address them in this account. I have kept this to things that I personally experienced or have personal knowledge of.
If you have high respect for the rule of law, and you have a lot of empathy for others, and you don't let anyone get away with anything that they should not, chances are you are a target for someone with high levels of ASPD traits. They however may not be the only ones that you have to worry about. There are also their supporters who are most likely Apaths (apathetic people). These Apaths I consider to be collaborators or co-conspirators. In some ways, Apaths can be just as difficult to have to deal with. I have learned that the best way to deal with all of these people is to walk away, never look back, don't answer their phone calls, their emails, their text messages, and have no contact whatsoever; otherwise they will find a way to victimize you again and again. They get great satisfaction from this and will often continue to punish their victims, gratuitously, as long as they can. It can result in loss of employment and self esteem and PTSD for their victims. They can, at the very least make your life miserable and possibly even a living hell. In my case, the woman described above seems to have disappeared from the scene and has not been heard from since.
----A Survivor