Netflix’s hit documentary, The Tinder Swindler, describes the extraordinary real-life actions of Simon Leviev who used the dating app, Tinder, to con upwards of $10 million from unsuspecting women. This brief review provides an overview of the story, before highlighting the psychopathy-related behaviours which were featured in the documentary, and why the early identification of these behaviours is important to you, the reader. A more comprehensive review of this and other documentaries, as well as research papers are available to members.
The documentary centres around three specific victims (though many others exist) who are led to believe that Leviev was the son of an Israeli diamond tycoon – a claim which is reinforced through Leviev providing expensive dinners, flights, and vacations. However, these relationships turn sour when Leviev begins to use fear and manipulation to ask victims for financial aid to overcome personal issues. Victims took out loans and credit cards to support him. However, they did not realize this money was really being used to facilitate new relationships and the manipulation of new victims.
During this documentary, the psychopathy-related behaviours of love-bombing and gaslighting are featured. Love-bombing refers to manipulation through the form of flooding a potential partner with gifts, attention, and flattery to establish a rapid connection within a relationship. Of course, love-bombing features to some extent in typical relationship formation, but this behaviour can be seen as being abusive when used purely to manipulate or control another. Gaslighting, on the other hand, refers to an attempt to undermine somebody’s thoughts about a given situation (i.e., their reality) by denying known facts and/or minimising the beliefs or feelings of the victim. Overtime, gaslighting results in victims being persuaded or manipulated to adopt the misleading reality that their abuser is presenting to them.
Take home message…
In a fast-paced and dynamic world where we long for social connection, it is more important than ever for us to establish firm boundaries within our relationships. The behaviours evidenced in The Tinder Swindler are important to recognise and potentially have long-lasting impacts on the emotional and physical well-being of victims. They might persuade us that we are finding “love at first sight,” but we should stay vigilant to how such behaviours might coerce us into crossing our boundaries.
A slightly longer discussion of the Netflix show The Tinder Swindler is available on the Members Page.
Written by Dr. Dean Fido
Senior Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, University of Derby (UK)
