can they feel love at all, even a bit

[flowergirl]

I think my husband, who just abandoned me after taking me on a long vacation, could be a sociopath. However, he does seem like he genuinely at times does love me. He does/did so much for me; not me for him. He paid most of the bills, he paid for my vacations, he got me gifts, he cooked for me and my kids, he cleaned and did projects. But he was pretty cold and had personality changes all the time. Lying - Ha. I don't think he could tell the truth, about anything. His family said he was a liar since a child. But he can't say no to anyone that asks for help. That's why i'm so unsure if he is one. But he does abandon; and its with no warning. he abandoned me a long time ago when we were dating for 3 years, overnight with no goodbye or warning. I didn't see him until 2 years later. he also does drugs. He fits the bill with the traits. He said he abandoned me this time because of the things I did to him. locking him out, and flipping out on him. I did that though because of lying. he said he's never cheated on me. he said if he didn't love me he wouldn't take care of me the way he did. yeah but abandoning me and leaving me after a vacation with no warning. we've only been married a year. he abandoned his first wife also. he said though that i'm the only woman he ever really loved, and that's why he married me. i'm so confused and upset and cry every damn day. I feel like I miss him so much, but what do I miss? our life of him lying and being cold to me. he rarely talked or interacted with me. but he says no one will love or take care of me like him. he said i'm zero w/o him. I feel so lonely and kind of isolated now, so sad. does he feel sad? he's waiting for me to say I will start trusting him and beg him to come back. i'm so lost.

[the_analyst]

Altruistic narcissists give to get admiration. I imagine the psychopath is doing the same to get power.

My ex-wife was both of those and very giving on her own terms. Gave all our money away.

My wife said the same thing about no one would love me like her.

I'm pretty sure many will love me because I am such a loving person myself.

Sadness? I'm not sure. My wife once mentioned not being jealous but sad, I think she meant regret at her poor life choices though.

I've been alone a year now recovering from PTSD and making sure I don't attach to anyone. After a few months alone becomes OK again.

[freedomjoe]

I've recently split with my wife of 6 years, she ticked every box in the psychopathic check list. I realised on reflection of the last 6 years the following:

1) She was never affectionate, and when she rarely was it was surreal at best
2) The children were an inconvience, she just give them the iPad or palm them off to friends so that they would be out of the way
3) Lies, lies, lies
4) She cheated on me a few times that I knew of
5) She was totally parasitic
6) She was inconsistent in everything she said or did

We have moved on, she with another man and we share care of the kids, she didn't put up a fight as she would rather the kids be with me so she can do whatever she wants to do.

Sadly the woman I fell in love with cannot feel love for me or our children. It is all about here needs, she drank and smoked through pregnancy (she is a nurse) - I should have figured it out then but sadly I didn't.

Empathy/humanity is something true psychopaths like her can never, ever feel

[salvosalzburg]

My understanding is that psychopaths are acutely aware of the utility of individuals and use them accordingly. Sometimes they have to give a little to get a lot in return, or to remain hidden. I don't think love is the motivator. I think they can like people and derive pleasure from them. But real, genuine intimacy is out of the question for them. And I kind of take solace in this. Like my life may be in shambles, but I can love for the sake of it, and readily enjoy doing so. How intolerable and bland life would be be without this power of intimacy!