My mother-in-law is psychopath. Can you help my?
Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:24 pm
I live in [Information removed, moderator], I have a [information removed, moderator] passport and a residence permit which I have thanks to family life.
Recently I suffered terribly from the humiliation of my mother-in-law- the mother of my boyfriend.
I am gay. My boyfriend and me, us lived together (in couple) during 6 years. I am handicaped neurological: I often fall in syncopes(syncopations) having a partial loss of the knowledge. I receive from some money - the pension because my capacity to work is very limited. Otherwise, I am a professor of languages, a musicologist and a singer of concert. I write articles, I give conferences in [information removed, moderator], in [information removed, moderator] and in [information removed, moderator], I sing, I play the piano. As amateur I play the organ. At the beginning everything was good. In spite of the fact that the mother of my boyfriend had accesses of the inequitable anger to me. For example, if she required(demanded) that I come to her place immediately and I could not, she could shout and want to oblige me to come nevertheless.
Sometimes she made promises and did not hold her word. I said to myself that it was not grave, just a small defect of her character.
Once I offered her in present a book of a philosopher. This book does not have to her more. Instead of respecting the politeness and thanking me for the present, she shouted on me by saying that this philosopher it's rubbish, that he had written stupid things, and especially, that I never quote him in my article on the scientific philosophy and articles e that I omit his name (the name of this philosopher). She made an enormous scandal because of this book. Naturally, me I was very hurt.
5 months before the srory thet I shall describe,I had operation under narcosis . I had compliquations physical of this operation.
Once I fell in the subway and I had a serious accident with my shoulder. The arm remained almost motionless during several months.
The next day, after my accident she phoned me. Of course, me, by suffering from a horrible pain, I was not quiet. It's true, this time it was me who shouted by the telephone.
She took advantage of the situation to accuse me that I had an irascible character. She told me that I abimais the life of her son. According to her, my presence in its life was harmful for him.
She came by car by giving me a following order.
I have 2 weeks to prepare my affairs. (I have 8 cupboards tucks with books and big collection of LPs with the biggest interpreters of the 19 and 20 centuries).
Thus, it was necessary to prepare the necessary bare minimum and what I move at her home(with her)!!!
Her son who became dependent on her mother, he said nothing.
To speak about my [information removed, moderator] papers, I am dependent on the mother of my boyfriend. Otherwise, she can break the pact of the family life. Further to it I risk to be sent back in [information removed, moderator]. And all know it, that it is a [information removed, moderator]. In [information is removed] is very marked. [information removed, moderator]
Two weeks later she is picked me up with her car and with my boxes tucks of books.
It was accompanied by verbal humiliations. I quote: " you have damaged life of my son. During the last years you are not also attractive. You aged. You are intolerable. If you work little, it's your fault. My son became heterosexual (what was false!), he found a girl and he will get married (what is false also! Because her son remains alone until now. I learnt of his mouth that he has no girlfried) You do not know how to read decently. You swallow books without retaining anything You do not know how to live decent. I shall think how to send back to you in [information removed, moderator]. You do not know how to adapt yourself to the [information removed, moderator] life. You are too much requiring(demanding). You have a nasty temper ".
I was under a shock (I was shocked). Even I forgot what she told me of still offending … I remember that she shouted and roared as a wild animal. All this was accompanied with the pain of my shoulder.
Thus I settled down in her apartment. I took a small part of my sound and epistolary archives. Three months I spent in a terrible fear. She entered the room by continuing to shout threats and by wanting to control totally my life.
My syncopes (my faintness and crises) increased. Further to it I could not work because I lost the necessary concentration. I cannot speak almost anymore in front of the public: I have no physical strengths. I had to abandon the sport. My social phobia increased. I lost the confidence for the others.
Before I had a total confidence to my mother-in-law(stepmother) (to the mother of my boyfriend).
She has the access to my bank account. And it was me who signed the paper because she had told me that it was for my good: she, as mother " she can better check(control) my financial expenses ".
I trusted absolved in her. On it I was wrong. (She had told me several times " Trust me, I am there to help you "). She took advantage of my confidence(trust) to carry me this shock. As my stay in [information removed, moderator] (where I lived for 10 years) depends completely on her, I am afraid. She treats me as if I was a prisoner at her home.
She knows my weak points: the threat to return in [information removed, moderator], my weak health and my handicap. She knows that if I feel the fear, my crises will increase. Thus further to these crises, I could not work.
The threat to throw my books and my LPs in the trash can. I live at her home(with her), thus I cannot receive friends or another gay for a romantic and sensual evening. I do not force to see frequently friends. I lived in the isolation. It is only its agonizing presence.
I became as a corpse living without soul, without libido. The life seems to me without outcome.
She takes advantage of my fear to threaten me to throw my book in the trash can (to tell the truth, I suppose that if I disparai, she will appropriate of my property because my library is expensive and the LPs are rare).
And here is: further to the traumatic syndrome and further to the nervous exhaustion, I feel very low(weak). My crises of syncopes(syncopations) often repeat. Because of it I cannot either continue my scientific career, or teach. I had to increase the [information removed, moderator] without this medicine I I fainted.
I lived under the constant fear: I am afraid of her. I do not have work anymore. Everything is destroyed: my [information removed, moderator] life, my scientific work, my profession of the teacher.
Further to my state I gave only 4 or 5 conferences during the 9-month-old last ones.
Her purpose was " to overcome and to destroy my anger ". She made a success. But, as you know, the profession of teacher demands a certain moral strength, sometimes a little of anger to be able to calm the room. Otherwise, public or the pupils can "crush" you. The public can be sometimes very hostile. It is necessary to have reserves of strength to be able to master the situation. I cannot make it any more. Thus because of the mother of my ex--boyfriend, I lost the professional basis of my jobs: the teacher, the professor, the singer.
She once told me: "which will hire you in this state: you look like a zomby". But I had this appearance with the empty look because of her, in cause that it frightens me every day.
When I became dependent and obedient, she calmed down because my "reeducation" is made a success. I lost my character! The mother of my ex--boyfriend became "smiling" and "friendly" because I do not dare to express myself anymore! She crushed me. I told him "I have an arrow in my heart which I cannot remove".
Her son became totally dependent on her mother. He takes no more personal decisions. She authorized (!) me to see her son (my ex boyfriend) as friend.
And it is really sad that I cannot continue my educational and scientific activities …
I feel emptied. I cry. Even I do not feel anger, strangely.
The worst: if I am not for his orders, I shall have no more [information removed, moderator] and I shall be obliged to return in [information removed, moderator]. Thus I cannot leave it because otherwise I shall be illegal. I am obliged to listen to her as a slave, and it is not a metaphor!
And in other social situations, I cannot require my rights because I am afraid. I am afraid that the others are aggressive and treat me the unworthy of no right.
And I underline and I repeat: I do not know how to leave her because my [information removed, moderator] depend on her. She knows it and she exercises her sadistic power on me!
Here we are, a summary of my story.
If you could help me? [deleted, moderator]Philologist, musicologist, ethnologist, music critic, opera singer.
Recently I suffered terribly from the humiliation of my mother-in-law- the mother of my boyfriend.
I am gay. My boyfriend and me, us lived together (in couple) during 6 years. I am handicaped neurological: I often fall in syncopes(syncopations) having a partial loss of the knowledge. I receive from some money - the pension because my capacity to work is very limited. Otherwise, I am a professor of languages, a musicologist and a singer of concert. I write articles, I give conferences in [information removed, moderator], in [information removed, moderator] and in [information removed, moderator], I sing, I play the piano. As amateur I play the organ. At the beginning everything was good. In spite of the fact that the mother of my boyfriend had accesses of the inequitable anger to me. For example, if she required(demanded) that I come to her place immediately and I could not, she could shout and want to oblige me to come nevertheless.
Sometimes she made promises and did not hold her word. I said to myself that it was not grave, just a small defect of her character.
Once I offered her in present a book of a philosopher. This book does not have to her more. Instead of respecting the politeness and thanking me for the present, she shouted on me by saying that this philosopher it's rubbish, that he had written stupid things, and especially, that I never quote him in my article on the scientific philosophy and articles e that I omit his name (the name of this philosopher). She made an enormous scandal because of this book. Naturally, me I was very hurt.
5 months before the srory thet I shall describe,I had operation under narcosis . I had compliquations physical of this operation.
Once I fell in the subway and I had a serious accident with my shoulder. The arm remained almost motionless during several months.
The next day, after my accident she phoned me. Of course, me, by suffering from a horrible pain, I was not quiet. It's true, this time it was me who shouted by the telephone.
She took advantage of the situation to accuse me that I had an irascible character. She told me that I abimais the life of her son. According to her, my presence in its life was harmful for him.
She came by car by giving me a following order.
I have 2 weeks to prepare my affairs. (I have 8 cupboards tucks with books and big collection of LPs with the biggest interpreters of the 19 and 20 centuries).
Thus, it was necessary to prepare the necessary bare minimum and what I move at her home(with her)!!!
Her son who became dependent on her mother, he said nothing.
To speak about my [information removed, moderator] papers, I am dependent on the mother of my boyfriend. Otherwise, she can break the pact of the family life. Further to it I risk to be sent back in [information removed, moderator]. And all know it, that it is a [information removed, moderator]. In [information is removed] is very marked. [information removed, moderator]
Two weeks later she is picked me up with her car and with my boxes tucks of books.
It was accompanied by verbal humiliations. I quote: " you have damaged life of my son. During the last years you are not also attractive. You aged. You are intolerable. If you work little, it's your fault. My son became heterosexual (what was false!), he found a girl and he will get married (what is false also! Because her son remains alone until now. I learnt of his mouth that he has no girlfried) You do not know how to read decently. You swallow books without retaining anything You do not know how to live decent. I shall think how to send back to you in [information removed, moderator]. You do not know how to adapt yourself to the [information removed, moderator] life. You are too much requiring(demanding). You have a nasty temper ".
I was under a shock (I was shocked). Even I forgot what she told me of still offending … I remember that she shouted and roared as a wild animal. All this was accompanied with the pain of my shoulder.
Thus I settled down in her apartment. I took a small part of my sound and epistolary archives. Three months I spent in a terrible fear. She entered the room by continuing to shout threats and by wanting to control totally my life.
My syncopes (my faintness and crises) increased. Further to it I could not work because I lost the necessary concentration. I cannot speak almost anymore in front of the public: I have no physical strengths. I had to abandon the sport. My social phobia increased. I lost the confidence for the others.
Before I had a total confidence to my mother-in-law(stepmother) (to the mother of my boyfriend).
She has the access to my bank account. And it was me who signed the paper because she had told me that it was for my good: she, as mother " she can better check(control) my financial expenses ".
I trusted absolved in her. On it I was wrong. (She had told me several times " Trust me, I am there to help you "). She took advantage of my confidence(trust) to carry me this shock. As my stay in [information removed, moderator] (where I lived for 10 years) depends completely on her, I am afraid. She treats me as if I was a prisoner at her home.
She knows my weak points: the threat to return in [information removed, moderator], my weak health and my handicap. She knows that if I feel the fear, my crises will increase. Thus further to these crises, I could not work.
The threat to throw my books and my LPs in the trash can. I live at her home(with her), thus I cannot receive friends or another gay for a romantic and sensual evening. I do not force to see frequently friends. I lived in the isolation. It is only its agonizing presence.
I became as a corpse living without soul, without libido. The life seems to me without outcome.
She takes advantage of my fear to threaten me to throw my book in the trash can (to tell the truth, I suppose that if I disparai, she will appropriate of my property because my library is expensive and the LPs are rare).
And here is: further to the traumatic syndrome and further to the nervous exhaustion, I feel very low(weak). My crises of syncopes(syncopations) often repeat. Because of it I cannot either continue my scientific career, or teach. I had to increase the [information removed, moderator] without this medicine I I fainted.
I lived under the constant fear: I am afraid of her. I do not have work anymore. Everything is destroyed: my [information removed, moderator] life, my scientific work, my profession of the teacher.
Further to my state I gave only 4 or 5 conferences during the 9-month-old last ones.
Her purpose was " to overcome and to destroy my anger ". She made a success. But, as you know, the profession of teacher demands a certain moral strength, sometimes a little of anger to be able to calm the room. Otherwise, public or the pupils can "crush" you. The public can be sometimes very hostile. It is necessary to have reserves of strength to be able to master the situation. I cannot make it any more. Thus because of the mother of my ex--boyfriend, I lost the professional basis of my jobs: the teacher, the professor, the singer.
She once told me: "which will hire you in this state: you look like a zomby". But I had this appearance with the empty look because of her, in cause that it frightens me every day.
When I became dependent and obedient, she calmed down because my "reeducation" is made a success. I lost my character! The mother of my ex--boyfriend became "smiling" and "friendly" because I do not dare to express myself anymore! She crushed me. I told him "I have an arrow in my heart which I cannot remove".
Her son became totally dependent on her mother. He takes no more personal decisions. She authorized (!) me to see her son (my ex boyfriend) as friend.
And it is really sad that I cannot continue my educational and scientific activities …
I feel emptied. I cry. Even I do not feel anger, strangely.
The worst: if I am not for his orders, I shall have no more [information removed, moderator] and I shall be obliged to return in [information removed, moderator]. Thus I cannot leave it because otherwise I shall be illegal. I am obliged to listen to her as a slave, and it is not a metaphor!
And in other social situations, I cannot require my rights because I am afraid. I am afraid that the others are aggressive and treat me the unworthy of no right.
And I underline and I repeat: I do not know how to leave her because my [information removed, moderator] depend on her. She knows it and she exercises her sadistic power on me!
Here we are, a summary of my story.
If you could help me? [deleted, moderator]Philologist, musicologist, ethnologist, music critic, opera singer.